Mums on the run
PUBLISHED: 12:37 02 October 2014
Speed is of the essence as once again we prepare to dash headlong into another school year, but are you prepared for the classroom catwalk? Elaine Price helps you get there on time
AS MUCH as we hate to admit it, there is a minimum standard to be kept when entering the school gate and it doesn’t just apply to our offspring. We feign a ‘don’t care’ attitude but underneath it all there is no kudos to be had in sporting a pair of socks that have not been formally introduced or bed head that really is actual bed head, not the made-to-look-messy beach babe creation made possible with a lot of effort and lashings of expensive spray-in stuff.
But if like me you have been known to rock up with your pyjama bottoms peeking out from the bottom of your jeans, you’ll know that school-run chic is a lot more difficult to achieve than it sounds. Every September I vow to remove the necessity for my daughters to walk ten steps in front of me as I concentrate on removing stray Cheerios from various items of clothing that are more akin to bag-lady than Boden.
Ahhh, now there’s a word that makes my hackles rise…Boden. That little world of mummy perfection that seems to have set the standard in quirky, colour-clashing, fun-but-stylish loveliness. But I shall not be defeated in my quest to join the realms of those that seem to have it down to a tee; I shall instead seek out some professional help.
What lies beneath
Obviously clothes are an important part of the equation and I shall be scanning our fashion pages in anticipation, but first there is groundwork to be done. Whilst I love the lack of routine that comes with school holidays – no alarm, no uniform to wash and iron, no tearing around like a demented wildebeest in search of missing PE kit – this lax approach also brings with it what is commonly known in our house as ‘Dairy Friesian Syndrome’ ie, Mummy eats like a cow.
Now ladies, I know I’m not alone in this frenzy of grazing and the blame is not all ours. Little people tend to have a particularly short attention span when there is a water gun lurking in the garden with which to drown a sibling. Hence plates make their way back to the kitchen laden with the tempting remains of fish fingers (and don’t for a second pretend you don’t buy them!), cute pasta shapes laden with butter and Parmesan, and half a white chocolate Magnum (although most of the chocolate has been removed by this stage).
What to do with said banquet? Need I say more? And so once again the coveted beach body pales into the shadow of stodge, thighs grow larger and we console ourselves with yet another Jammie Dodger. This is where drastic action in required; a quick summer fix just to get into that ‘lifestyle change’ frame of mind without falling at the first hurdle. Time to be enticed by that holy grail of a phrase, the ‘Thermo Fat Burner’ that is used in conjunction with those amazing Hypoxi machines to blitz the wobbly bits and attack cellulite.
Hypoxi in itself is a bit of a revelation with celebrity followers from Twiglet-sized Victoria Beckham to Cheryl Cole. In a nutshell, Hypoxi therapy focuses on good circulation, targeting those areas that often prove to be very stubborn when it comes to toning up and burning fat. The machines work by applying high and low pressure as you work out, to create a flow of blood into the dermal layer (where the dreaded fat is stored), which is then released into the circulatory system to burn as fuel.
The addition of the new Thermo Active Shaping Serum adds a whole new dimension by warming the skin to allow effective penetration of active ingredients into the epidermis. The smoothing, contouring process is therefore accelerated with results clearly visible in as little as four weeks. Just one thing though, you’d be doing yourself a big favour if during that period you could just refrain from the leftover buffet!
Need for speed
Dairy Friesian Syndrome aside, my other life-affirming question is, ‘What time do they (the fabulous ones) have to get up in order to apply a perfect face?’ It doesn’t seem to matter what time I set the alarm for, rest assured a morning crisis will ensure I get no further than an amateur line of wonky eye-liner that then has to be removed in a hurry leaving a smudge akin to a rather spectacular bruise.
This is worth neither the lack of sleep nor the ‘walking into a door’ humour you will be subjected to as a result, so make it easy on yourself and get a perfect line permanently.
A word of caution here; anything permanent has to be perfect so this is not a time to cut corners, even when time is of the essence. The plan is to reveal your inner yummy mummy not a grown up version of a Monster High doll. Choose your therapist with care, preferably one with longstanding credentials in this specialist field such as Evie Adams.
According to Evie, eyeliner and eyebrows are the most popular for more definition. Not only do these alleviate any need for an early alarm call, the results can also be quite anti-aging. After weeks of full-on child care, this has to be a plus.
With the use of carefully applied micro pigmentation, a beautifully defined edge of eyeliner can make the eyes seem brighter and more vibrant. Colour is matched appropriately and you can opt for ‘barely there’ subtly or something with a bit more drama. Fuller brows are created in fine hair strokes to create a natural look and frame the face. The effect is very lifting, so you’ll give off a bright-eyed and bushy-tailed illusion even if you’re barely out of hibernation.
Time to work it! Pyjamas optional.
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